The Reckoner!

Jurassic Park Battle. Are you an Alan Grant person, or an Ian Malcom person? No substitutes, no prevarication!

Let's get this out of the way: dinosaurs are awesome.  Let's also get this out of the way: Jurassic Park is awesome.  

If you were alive in 1993 -- or even better, if you were seven in 1993 as I was -- there's a velociraptor shaped hole in your heart for this movie that can only be filled by watching it, again and again, until the tape frays into individual molecules and bursts into flame right in your all-in-one VCR/TV combo unit.

But there's always been a raging debate this movie -- one of many raging debates about this movie -- that I need the Reckonauts to settle.

You see, there are nominally two male lead heroes in Jurassic Park.  You've got:

  • Alan Grant (Sam Neill) the steady, dependable, only mildly sardonic archaeologist, who hates kids and seatbelts but has great taste in hats.
  • Ian Malcom (Jeff Goldblum), the neurotic, wisecracking mathematician who spends most of his time macking on Grant's partner when he isn't being Jeff Goldblum.

To boil it down, if a truck is being menaced by a T-Rex, Grant will be the guy who will skillfully use his knowledge to distract it and save the day.  Malcom will be the guy who will try to do the same thing, get trampled, but have an awesome wisecrack when they find him half-dead by the side of the road.

Generally, when it comes to who you're rooting for, it's an either/or.  You're either a Grant person or a Malcom person.  Now is our chance to settle it once and for all! 

Tell me, Reckonauts!  Which protagonist for Jurassic Park do you root for the most?

Reckoning Results!
Alan Grant
Ian Malcom
Not endorsing the park!
Must go faster!
Previous Reckoning!
Alone in the house! Pee with the door open, or always closed?
Next Reckoning!
Is this effective parenting?

Reckoning Comments!

Incidentally, they both got their own sequel, each with a varying level of suckitude.  Jurassic Park: The Lost World has quite a few exciting scenes, the only problem being that you don't care because you spend most of the movie wishing that the characters will die horribly.

Jurassic Park III, if I recall recall correctly, is 84 minutes of people being menaced by dinosaurs.  I believe that is true.  I'm pretty confident that this is true.

Malcom...just plain annoying,with his "nature will find a way" and it did, but Grant, with his hard exterior but soft as jelly interior and prehistoric knowledge, saved the kids, saved Malcom, saved his gal pal, and still managed to have the adventure of his life! What a man!!! 

The Reckoner!